Exactly one week ago At-man’s preschool class hosted a mother’s day tea party. The children actually went on a field trip to pick strawberries which they used to make strawberry shortcake for the party. It was all so sweet I got a bit misty.

All of the mothers settled into little groups with their children, most of us hanging out with the parents of the kids our children considered their best friends. In our group of 4, 3 of our kids have been together since the start of school. While the three of us sat chatting, the other mother sat pitifully on the floor, slumped over by the wall. One of the mom’s asked her if everything is o.k. and her response irks me to this day. “Oh, I’ve had a fever of 104 all day, so I’m just trying to rest.” WHAT THE FUCK? What in the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing here contaminating all of our children? And, if you are in fact that selfish and stupid as to knowingly show up sick, at the very least you should have the common courtesy to lie about it. The three of us sat there in stunned silence. Part of me, as a mom wants to comfort those who are sick, yet the other part was just so repulsed by the blatant display of stupidity that all I could do was nod while I tried to shovel At-man to what I thought was a safe distance.

Forward to Monday. When I picked At-man up from school he had that glassy look in his eyes that every mother knows means trouble. By that night he was running a fever. I kept him home from school Tuesday thinking it was probably a 24 hour deal and he would be back to class the next day, but the following morning was just more of the same. That morning when I dropped off Em, At-man’s teacher tracked me down to let me know that this dumbass, I mean, other mommy came in to tell her that she went to the doctor right from the tea party and discovered that she in fact had strep throat. “JUST LIKE SHE THOUGHT” She actually knew she had strep throat and attended a preschool tea party. You can almost see the brain cells run screaming out of my ears as I try to get my head around the idea that someone this intellectually challenged is actually able to remember to breathe, and operate a car.

Armed with new facts, I returned home to “cake day” and grilled At-man. “Making this cake is fun mommy.” “It sure is sweet pea, how’s your throat?” “Fine” “That’s good…are you sure?” “Yea, I’m sure this cake is fun.” “Not the cake… your throat?” All day he insisted he felt fine, despite his fever. I told him he needed to rest because his eyes were red, to which he replied “Silly Mommy! They are not red, I am sure they are still blue, just like Em’s.”

Thursday morning D and I awoke to At-man screaming. “My throat! My throat! It hurts mommy!” We dragged or asses out of bed and ran for Sprite. Luckily our pediatrician has an hour each morning that they see patients without an appointment for those parents who have spent all night up with sick children. Big surprise, At-man was positive for strep. I was actually glad to find out it was something that could be treated by antibiotics. He is still a bit run down, but was well enough to make it to school this morning for “Super Daddy Day”.

Now, as if having a sick peanut all week wasn’t bad enough, guess who woke up this morning feeling like they chugged a bottle of Tabasco? That’s right, lucky me! The mom who usually spends every day scrambling between school, the office, kid’s classes, running, shopping and cooking hasn’t been able to drag her ass off the couch. The doctor put me on Biaxin, which not only cures strep; it has the added bonus of making everything you eat taste like tin foil.

I really want to mention the name of this environmental hazard of a mother, so as to warn the general public, but I feel more strongly about avoiding the problems this would cause. I will simply revel in the knowledge that maybe, just maybe someone who would have one day disregard common sense and showed up extremely ill in a place full of very young children may read this and think better of it. Now I have to go back to crossing my fingers that Em doesn’t wake up with strep tomorrow.