I don’t want anyone to worry, I’m fine, I promise. I am just swamped at work (in a good way) and when you own the business it’s you who has to put in the hours. Even now there isn’t really any time to write anything worth a damn other than that the boys are great, D and I too. School has started, Em has turned 2 and D and I celebrated our 7th anniversary and I have missed it all as far as writing. I shall try to write an actual post tonight since there is absolutly nothing whatsoever that even remotley appeals to me on Tuesday nights this fall. So, providing that I do not fall hopelessly asleep tonight while putting the boys to bed, I shall write once again.

Tomorrow night is parent orientation at school. How did this happen? I feel like I must have fallen asleep or something because it cannot possibly be the end of summer. Are my kids really a whole entire year older? Is Em really going to be 2 in 2 weeks? GOOD GOD!

People always tell you about the speed of time once you have kids, but until you go there, there really is no way to explain it. It’s amazingly selective too. Think about it. An entire summer is gone in the blink of an eye, yet potty training as a process still manages to seem endless. WTF?

Two short years ago I was dropping At-man off for his first day of pre-school while Em wiggled around in my belly. Every morning I would waddle in with At-man all the teachers would gather, shocked that I was back. “You haven’t had that baby yet?” Obviously not, but I was up for engaging in polite conversation. Anything to stall my having to leave my little peanut at school and drive off all by myself.

Next week Em starts that very same class. Hopefully the mark left by his brother won’t be too hard to overcome. Even harder to deal with is the fact that At-man is starting his very last year of pre-school. I just cannot believe my little peanut is only a year away from “big boy” school. It’s still an entire year away and I am already having nightmares about not picking the right school, missing deadlines and registering at the wrong place.

I am so pitiful. I can’t even think about this anymore. We haven’t even started 4 year old class and I am sitting here at my computer getting all misty imagining move-in day at UNC 14 years from now. I am going to eat my lunch and think happy thoughts about 4. I love 4, and I don’t want to get ahead of myself worrying about the future so much that I don’t get to enjoy 4 as much as humanly possible. Happy thoughts…Happy thoughts…Happy thoughts……mmmmmm.

1. Birthdays…Mine, my father in law, Dean, a school friend of Atticus and a playgroup buddy. Not to mention Em in another 2 weeks, only after a couple more friends.

2. The unfortunate passing and or injury of several people not necessarily close yet close enough to others around us to set things off kilter.

3. The switching of my afternoon runs to early morning runs. I have so much more time with the kids during the day, yet lose consciences almost the instant my ass hits the couch at night. Since night time after the kids were asleep was my usual blogging time I am still trying to re-adjust.

4. Cakes.

5. Soccer. I am officially a soccer mom!

6. The impending start of school and the many casseroles that come with it.

Now that you have my reasons, I promise to try harder. Really.

It’s really hard to be innovative with music videos at this point. I’m glad someone like OK Go finally stepped up to the plate.

When I was in my twenties I tended to hang out with women who were several years older than me. I specifically remember one friend’s 35th birthday. What I remember about it was thinking “Holy Shit! Thirty-five…that’s old as crap!” All of our other friends started telling her stuff like “Wow, you sure look great for 35.” As if 35 was it. Time to hang it up, start listening to “soft rock” stations and buy your next seasonal wardrobe exclusively at stores like Sears, Chico’s and Coldwater Creek.

Another friend decided we should all meet up at our favorite “underground” type hotspot for her 35th, only to spend a large chunk of our night listening to her cry about being too old to have children. I felt like I was literally baring witness to her ovaries shriveling up before my very eyes.

Well, while many female Bloggers attended the Blogher convention this past weekend, I was busy turning 35. Officially old.

What type of wild shenanigans did my 35 year old self choose to get into? I spent this birthday eating like calories didn’t matter. Birthdays in my past required days of recovery. The only recovery from this past weekend will be an extra long run. I would say that’s pretty sad, but many a woman spends her 35th blowing it out on faded wash, waist high jeans and t-shirts with pictures of kitty cats or light houses on them, so with that in mind I think I’m pretty much kicking ass.

Hotwheels Birthday Cake

At-man wanted to decorate my birthday cake and selected a Hot Wheels theme. I seriously think this is the best cake I ever had. I mean…there were cars driving up the SIDE of the cake! Holy Smokes! How could they do that? And it was filled with Oreo ice cream! I can still feel the creamy icing warming the arteries of my heart. I also have no worries about reduced lung capacity as I age because the older I get, the more help I seem to get with my candles.

Birthday Parte’

I had asked for gift cards so I could get some new fall duds, and not only did I get my birthday wish, D also sent me to the mall ALL BY MYSELF! I got to try on jeans with not one single person bursting into tears. The last time I bought a pair of jeans, At-man for whatever reason was rolling around on the floor and actually got his little arm stuck in the fitting room door at American Eagle. It was so stuck even I started to panic. I know you are probably starting to laugh that I was jean shopping at American Eagle, what with being so far from the age of 15 and all. I know…it cracks me up walking around the mall with the shopping bag with the smiley co-eds and the “Live Your Life” slogan on the side. I am living my life! I’m 35 for god sakes! It just happens that they have a good cut for my flat ass and they are cheap! The best part, they have one particular cut that keeps your coin-slot under wraps and the named of this cut you might ask? That’s right…The Hipster! I also got this shirt which cracks me up because it is called “Homecoming”. I liked it so much I also got the “Head of the Class“.

I even went bra shopping but when I finally did find the perfect fit they didn’t have a single color I could use. At least I know for future reference and with bras, knowing is half the battle.

So there you have it. I am old, and have finally found the right jeans to inexpensively contain my coin-slot. All in all a pretty good birthday even if it does signify my official entry into old age. I have been wondering why women tend to lie and say they are younger. I think I am going to start to tell people I’m 40. That way everyone will think “Man! She really looks amazing!” If you tell everyone your 5 years younger they may think “Who does she think she’s fooling?” or worse “WOW! She really looks like crap to be so young.” I’m actually fine with getting old anyway. As long as I can still get a Hot Wheels cake I’ll be just fine.

This morning Em woke up first. I heard him on the monitor yelling MAAHHH! MAAMAAA! I went to the kitchen to grab 2 sippy cups of pink milk, grabbed Em and got back in bed to snuggle. While snuggling I begin to think of all the things I could be doing to get ahead of the day. I make out a to-do list in my head until Em is done with his milk and I jump up to make the beds and get myself dressed.

Once the list is checked off it is time to come downstairs. D and I take turns making breakfast; usually he handles most of the food stuff while I get the kids ready. At-man now demands to dress himself and I have to hand it to him, he is pretty good at picking out his own clothes. I have only had to bust out the veto power one time so far. Em gets a diaper change, email gets checked, the news paper is retrieved and then we are ready to eat.

At-man wiggles around in his chair, pushes the food in a circle on his plate and after about 10 minutes asks to be excused. Once he leaves Em pretty much throws in the towel as well. It’s off to get Em dressed and as was the case today, get ready to go to grand mommy’s house.

With the boys gone I take a last minute to check over the house and head to the office to help out D for the morning. I spend the next 4 hours invoicing clients and catching up on phone calls. After I eat lunch at my desk I figure that I still have time to run to the grocery store before I told my MIL I would return for the guys. I grab my list, bid the guys farewell and race around the HT playing my own version of Supermarket Sweep. I finished up so fast that I ran by the salon and had my brows waxed and still made it back in time to unload the groceries.

At-man usually wants to stay with grand mommy while I get Em to sleep so I grab another sippy of milk, put Em in the car and head out. I drive him around, stop for gas and occasionally even a latte at the drive thru while he drinks until he passes out. As soon as his little head hits the side of his car seat I head home where I carry him up to his crib and race to get all my no-kid time things complete.

I usually start off by checking my email, voice mail and changing my clothes. I grab some water and hop on the treadmill. Today I went 7 miles, got a quick shower and Em was already awake making cute little baby talk in his crib. Em has this thing where he has to play with his Thomas table for about 30-45 minutes after his nap. No diaper, nothing to drink…nothing but trains will make him happy. I call to summons At-man home and he and I begin making pumpkin muffins.

While many people think of pumpkin muffins only in the fall, At-man could eat them every day of his life. We make huge batches in the Kitchen-aid and freeze them. They are great when school is in because you can throw one in a lunch box with a yogurt and a piece of fruit and Ta-da! Lunch is ready to go! Today we made 3 batches and then it was on to eggplant parmesan.

Somewhere between the parm, the muffins and brewing some fresh tea (we are in the south you know) I got a call from the office that a call I was expecting finally came, and I had to return it ASAP. I ran into the living room to bust out the magic weapon…Elmo. Thanks to the little red fuzzy one I got through the entire call with hardly a peep and was putting dinner on the table when D got home.

Now, the bigger the boys get the more difficult I find it to attempt such things as the mall without the aid of another adult. It is possible but only if Em stays in his stroller and I feel bad when I have to make him do that. It is for this reason that I got it in my head that we ALL needed to go the mall after dinner so I could pick up some pictures I had dropped off yesterday when I was there with my mother in law and niece. We ate, cleaned the kitchen (I cannot leave until there is no sign we had dinner) picked up the pictures and got ice cream for the boys and some much needed coffee for ourselves.

Back home we got the guys in their pj’s, and once again dolled out the milks. I emptied out the dishwasher, washer and dryer and re-loaded them all, then went in to watch about 10 minutes of Sky High with At-man. If you have not seen this movie I highly recommend it. At-man LOVES it. He has made us watch it a zillion times; even his baby sitters know every word by heart. I took At-man up to bed and had the first few minutes of down time, other than sitting in the car for 5 minutes, since lunch.

With the boys out for the count I snuck back downstairs, folded the laundry, wiped the kitchen down and cleaned out Phinneas’ bowl (our fish). I have taken to keeping my laptop on the kitchen counter besides Phinny so I can easily access recipes and it was during the bowl cleaning that I thought about writing a list of one ordinary day. I wasn’t sure if things would always be like this or not so I thought they might enjoy thinking back on we spent our days. I started to type, thought about moving over to the couch but then decided that when I finally sit I will probably turn into a human puddle and that isn’t good for writing. So here I stand, getting ready to finish up this post. I will probably go wash my face incase I fall asleep on the couch before I make it upstairs. D usually doesn’t go up until 1 or 2am so as you can see, neither of us are running with both oars in the water most of the time. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not actually stupid, just sleep deprived.

Other than the activity, today was good. I heard from a friend I haven’t talked to in years, I feel like I accomplished a lot, I can’t get a shirt I tried on at American Eagle out of my head, might have to go treat myself for my birthday…oh yea, and Lance Bass has announced he is actually gay. As if anyone on the planet wasn’t sure about it. Gas is 3.00 a gallon and I have to hear about Lance and his boyfriend. Do you think his mother saw this coming when she named him?

Anyway, I know we are all busy. I just wanted to give the guys an idea of what things where like when they were little peanuts, and maybe a little insight into why mommy always seems like she’s somewhere between lost and insane.

I hope this clears things up.

Not long ago a friend of mine asked me how far I was running, and then made the mistake of taking it one step further… “How far do you think you could run if you just kept going?” What an interesting question. I wasn’t tired at the end of a run so I was sure I could increase my distance. It started me wondering… how far could I run. Not in a “Forest Gump” kind of way, but rather, in a “what if I didn’t have to wrap things up before I’m ready because somebody is up from their nap” way. I did everything I could to push myself, and so far I am up to about 7 to 8 miles a day.

I could still go on, but after about an hour I just start making myself feel guilty about not being with the kids. My mother spent at least 2 hours a day watching soap operas, while I played in my room alone. I doubt she ever thought anything of it, she was the parent and she wanted to watch soaps. That’s just the way it was. For me, taking an hour to exercise makes me feel like I am neglecting my motherly duties.

I have not watched “grownup T.V.” during the day in years. It drives me crazy to think about my kids seeing anything questionable or scary. When I was a kid I was terrified of the Tidy Bowl Man. The ad played all the time during One Life to Live. My fear was so strong that I was forced to flush the toilet with my foot and then run like hell down the hall before he could reach out of the pipes and pull me onto his little boat. I’d hate to think of the boys having that kind of psychological damage from a Capital One commercial. They may end up dateless on prom night and blame me…”If only mom didn’t make me watch Ellen that day back in 2006. I can’t imagine how guilty I would feel after an hour of General Hospital.

Anyway, as you can imagine, parental guilt is no stranger to me. I actually feel ashamed of trying to take care of myself. My kids have me and D, we live about 20 feet from their grandparents, and they see other family members every week. I assure you they are at absolutely no shortage for attention. I keep trying to remind myself of these important facts, yet it never seems to do any good.

As much as I enjoy blogging even this seems like yet another thing that sucks time out of my day. Time that should be spent doing laundry, baking homemade cookies and all of the other activities that would fill the hours of the “perfect mom”. I know I have said this many times, I actually write this blog for my kids. Yes it is therapeutic, yes I have met a lot of nice people, but ultimately this is a record of history for them to look back on as they grow. I need to make more time for it without all the guilt. I may not be able to promise to write more but I am going to try my best to get over the idea that I should feel guilty about doing anything not directly child related.

I had intended to post tonight, but wouldn’t ya know it…the air conditioner broke. Yes folks, it is actually a bazillion degrees both inside AND outside my home. I cannot take another second this close to my hot potato of a laptop. I am going up to bed to lie in front of the fan until the repair man arrives in the a.m. with the new part. Pray for us all…

It seems hard to concentrate on any single specific thing going on right now so I figured I would just post about the little stuff.

At-man is in camp this week and last. He is growing up so fast I can’t even explain it. It’s funny how it seems like they just go to bed one night and wake up a completely different person. He just seems so much more mature than even last week. As grown as he has been, for some reason he has taken to carrying Thanksgiving Turkey(his stuffed elephant) to camp everyday, reminding me that as much as he seems to comprehend, he is still only 4 years old.

Em is talking more and more every day. I wish I could explain how cute he is when we starts talking about Spiderman (pida-may), and his “choo twain?” Which he always sounds like he is questioning and I don’t know why. He has perfected the art of shaking his groove thang, and whenever music plays he likes to climb on the ottoman and dance. He is still my running buddy but lately it’s been too hot to run outdoors. It’s driving me a bit crazy so I’ve been doing a bit more yoga for variety.

D is in the midst of a stock market obsession. I swear he is going to chuck it all and become a day trader.

I know it’s the middle of July, but tonight I am celebrating a major victory in holiday dress shopping. I took a risk and ordered a chocolate velvet cocktail dress from the big J.Crew online summer sale. These items are no-refundable so it is a bit of a crap shoot, but I got a great swim suit last year so I figured I would take another chance. This particular dress was around 200 originally and I got it for 29.95 and I love it. It’s very simple and classic so I’m sure it will get some wear. I was going to link to it but it has apparently already sold out, at least in my size, so it’s no longer on the site.

I think I am going to go ahead and declare my intention to begin marathon training this fall. I hope to run the Disney Marathon in January; we shall see how it goes. I thought it would seem more daunting but my weekly mileage is already nearing 30 so I might as well take it to the next level while the going is good.

Tomorrow we are going to Panera. We used to go to Panera for breakfast all the time, but I made the mistake of reading the fat content of my usual bagel and cream cheese combo and haven’t been able to go back since. Tomorrow I have decided that I do not care, I shall go and enjoy the clumps of cinnamon sugar that fall off my bagel and I will get over it. It will be good. I am actually going to end this post now so I can go to their website and research a food choice I won’t have to feel guilty about all day.

That’s about all for now. Hope everyone is doing well.

At-man: Mommy? Can a wish really come true?

Mom: Sure…I guess it depends on the wish, but sure, wishes can some true.

At-man: How long does it take?

Mom: I guess it depends on what you wished for…What did you wish for?

At-man: A race car.