Damn Paris Hilton!
Is it me or has some secret law passed by congress unnoticed, a laws that demands all 5 dollar tank tops be completely covered in gold charms, sequins and rhinestones, now costing 80 dollars? I blame Paris Hilton. Here is a young girl with a great bod and all the money she will ever need, yet she consistently favors the fashion trends of 50 something South Beach divorces. Why do the clothing buyers think the average American needs or want so much “bling” in their lives? I’m not saying it isn’t fun to have a new sparkly top to wear out on the occasional date night, but damn! I can’t even find a pair of flip flops that haven’t been violated by the dreaded “Bedazzler”.
A few weeks ago D and I went to see Jerry Seinfeld in concert (or whatever you call what a comedian does live). Since we never go out for anything but dinner and drinks, this seemed to be an occasion for a new outfit. Off to the mall with my kids in tow, I think we went in every store I could think of but I just kept hitting dead ends. J Crew is good for bling free fashion, but their spring collection is all a bit over the top preppy, too summer garden wedding and definitely not Seinfeld material. White House Black Market = Bling, Banana Republic = Bling, Express = Bling. Forget about Guess, you need shades just to walk in the place right now. Paris Hilton hangs sluttily in their front windows, metallic shoes and matching thong, laughing at us all. I finally found a skirt at the Gap, but even they haven’t escaped the sequined overload.
I have 2 young children. 2 young children who happen to attend a Baptist preschool. You just can’t rock the spaghetti tank covered in metallic graphics with contrasting bra straps hanging out at 9am drop off. I have a hard enough time keeping my ass crack under the cover of my low rise jeans during field trips, let alone struggling with a strapless to boot. This all makes me wonder, who do these fashion buyers think we are? And where the hell do they think we are going in our day to day lives? It’s like I’m supposed to dress every morning with the consideration that my day might just end up at a night club, with no time in between to change. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this on the news, but the average American tends to be getting larger and larger. Why in the hell has the fashion industry responded by making clothing skimpier and shinier than ever before?
Now, I am aware that I could probably find a plain, ill fitting, cheap as hell t-shirt at the Wal-Mart Super Center, but there is no way that is ever going to happen. I also hear that there is a trend in retail leaning toward marketing to the 35 and up shopper. Stores like J.Jill, Chico’s, and Cold Water Creek are popping up everywhere. Now, it is not my place to judge those who shop there (like my mother), but I plan on being a whole lot older than 35 before I even consider going in. Chico’s, from what I can tell from the window, is simply a front for more full figured women to wear bling anyway.
All I want is a pair of jeans that don’t suffocate me at the waist, yet conceal my choice brand of panties, and a shirt with a nice cut that doesn’t get all stretched out of shape or shrink in random places after the first washing. It could even say something, like “The Ramones”, or “Cheerio’s”, or “I hate Bling” (spelled out in rhinestones) but it must be simple and not require a convertible bra for a 5 minute trip to the grocery store. I guess a girl just has to dream.
Hipster Mom, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…
I used to think a few Swarovskis on a shirt was kind of cute but not on every damn thing in my entire closet. Ugh.
An “I hate bling” tank top is f-in brilliant!
And TQ goes to a Methodist preschool so I feel ya.
Comment by Izzy — April 15, 2006 @ 1:07 pm
Oh god I’m so with ya. Plain clothes that don’t cost a billion dollars are about as easy to find as a very fertile panda in a Chinese zoo. Seriously. And finding them for kids??? Forget it.
Comment by mrsfortune — April 16, 2006 @ 1:24 pm
I am soo with you on this. It’s just not fair. I wrote a similar post a while back about still wearing maternity shirts, 3 YEARS after giving birth because every t-shirt I find is tight as hell and barely covers my belly. I’m a mom, I don’t have a flat stomach ~ it’s mushy. I want to conceal it, not flaunt it. I want clothes that are flattering to my new figure. I can’t or shouldn’t shop in junior shops but I’m fat too young to be in Chico’s or Land’s End. So what’s a gal to do?
Comment by J's Mommy — April 17, 2006 @ 1:51 pm
Izzy - I think we should go in on producing the shirt
Mrs. F - I know what you mean about kids stuff. Having boys, I don’t have to worry about bling on them, but the endless sports, trains, and assortment of hokey pictures on everything make it impossible to shop for simple things without getting nauseated.
J’s Mommy - Seriously, most of the girls I see who are young enough to wear juniors have no business wearing the clothes out right now either, let alone any woman who’s been through pregnancy. Even after the baby weight is gone, my stretch marks aren’t meant for show and tell. And I forgot about Lands End, they are a pretty big offender of fashion.
Comment by HipsterMom — April 17, 2006 @ 6:18 pm
So funny you should post this today. i spent the day at the mall shopping for clothes for my new body. i have lost all of the baby weight plus some, but nothing is the same. i finally went to the womens section and said a tearful goodbye to juniors. i must say, the jeans fit OH SO MUCH BETTER over there. i couldnt believe that after 5 hours of trying on jeans, i finally found the perfect pair at JCPenney. Brand is TINT. These are awesome. They look cool with all of the fading in the right places, but arent extremely low waisted. Nice to know there are some jeans out there that arent cut down to the crack yet dont sport an elastic waistband like the ones in the old bitty stores (i.e. lands end)
i am still searching for shirts that arent cut to the nipple and arent so tight that i look
Comment by andrea — April 17, 2006 @ 9:27 pm
my commenting abilities seem to have taken leave tonight, i accidentally posted a portion of my comment above, here is the rest…
i am still searching for shirts that arent cut to the nipple and arent so tight that i look like a busted can of biscuits. if you find any well fitting shirts, be sure to post where in the hell they are….
Comment by andrea — April 17, 2006 @ 9:30 pm
Oh man…I went shopping today for some clothes for my 10 month old. Everything was so hokey and had way too much of that rubbery stuff, like a silkscreen but all thick and shiny. I guess that’s the boy’s version of bling. I did find three plain, very cool garment dyed t-shirts in good colors. Everything else was a TOTAL
compromise… *sigh*
Comment by Izzy — April 17, 2006 @ 10:09 pm
My main jeans problem (besides showing my ass) is finding a pair with smaller pockets. My ass is creeping down the back of my legs bad enough on its own. I don’t need these gigantic pockets looking like they are oozing down to my knees as well. I can’t imagine what they think I will need to carry in my back pocket that will necessitate them being that large. How would you sit? Thanks for the tip Andrea, I’ll have to look into those. And as far as the “kid bling”, I know it’s very middle class yupster of me, but the clerks at “Baby Gap” know us by name. It’s the only place I know of where I can be sure of finding “crap free” clothes for kids.
Comment by HipsterMom — April 18, 2006 @ 11:04 pm
[…] Next is Hipster Mom sounding off about the ubiquity of bling. Naturally, I agree completely. And her shirt idea is trés clever. Don’t even think about ripping it off
[…]
Pingback by IzzyMom (formerly Moonshine) » Blog Archive » — April 22, 2006 @ 1:10 am
I’m visiting via Izzy. I echo all you have said. The express looks like one big under 21 club - and seriously, I head to the back of our old department store, don’t even look at the brands anymore, and just try to find something that doesn’t make me look like I’m 5 months pregnant (cuz I’m not).
Comment by Kristen — April 22, 2006 @ 2:39 pm