When I think about areas in my life where I can save time, skipping the sales flyers in the Sunday paper ranks pretty high. Really, think about the last time you saw something you really needed that happened to be on sale for enough of a difference that is was worth your time and effort to go out to the specific store and pick it up. It’s pretty rare.

Kohl’s has a flyer in the paper what seems like every other day. Without ever cracking it open I can guarantee there will be some sort of sparkly top on sale. There will also be a large assortment of “gauchos”; a clothing item that is flattering on absolutely not one single body type, especially not the slightly pudgy teenagers who seem to have embraced them to a point there is little hope of seeing them go anytime soon. I hold Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas singly responsible for the stumpification of America. It’s easy to sport pants that make your legs look half their original length when you have an army of photo retouchers and lighting specialists to make it right but don’t go passing this off as a viable look for the average woman. It’s horrid.

Belk’s is almost always running a sale on U.S. Polo Assn. clothing for the entire family. What the hell is that about? First of all, isn’t association abbreviated as Assoc.? Is this supposed to mean they are the U.S. Polo Assassins? The U.S. Polo Ass-Men? I’m not sure. I don’t know anyone personally who belongs to this polo deal, but apparently it is popular enough that everyone wants to get on board. They even have baby clothes. I don’t know about you but I have never seen a baby with legs long or strong enough to hold them up on a horse while leaving their arms free enough to swing a mallet. I’ve never been very big on wearing a logo for something that doesn’t actually exist, but apparently that’s just me.

I must confess however, I do have one shirt from Old Navy that forces me to laugh at myself whenever I put it on. I bought it simply because it is soft and cheap and looks O.K. with a pair of yoga pants. However, it proclaims me to be a member of the “Old Navy Snowball Team”. Granted, it sounds like a fun team to belong to, but I tend to doubt they even exists. If in fact it does, I can assure you my membership is inactive at best. I live in an area where good snowball snow only happens every couple of years. I hardly think they would have me on the team. The best part is that I actually bought the shirt in Orlando, where good snowball throwers are few and far between.

I try to stay away from paying to advertise any company other than my own. At-man has a Ramones shirt but hey, he likes them. Other than that as far as the kids are concerned, I feel like there is a finite period of time before you have to turn them over to Abercrombie and Fitch so why not keep it as clean as possible. Really, whenever I see these kids at the mall with their Hollister t-shirts I want to run up and congratulate them on having the 30 dollars to waste on a shirt to advertise a company who’s only goal is to separate them and their money. If you really want to impress people with you ability to waste money on a t-shirt, at least say it with Versace.

Versace never has a sale flyer in the Sunday paper.